The Mommy Thing

I've come to realize that I'm really not interested in leaving my kids...at all...not even for an hour.

I mean I do. I'm going to the gym now, three times a week, for an hour each time. And I have to leave Lola for about an hour and a half when I take Christian to HBOT. But then I don't like leaving again. Oh yeah, and I go grocery shopping alone, but rarely. Everyone knows it's just easier to go alone anyway.

I'm quite content with hanging around the house with my kids and baking stuff or folding stuff or playing with the kids on the floor...and stuff.

What has become of me?

I hear things about "Lady's Night Out." I've heard of "Time Away From The Kids." In theory, it sounds great. But in reality I'm just not interested. Or I think I'm interested and then when it comes time to show my cards, I almost always fold.

Is it because the prospect of finding a babysitter, getting kids ready, meds lined up and dispersed, and bedtimes in order seems too daunting a task that the end result of getting some time away from the kids is just not worth it?

Is it because I've turned into a recluse, a hermit crab of sorts who wants nothing to do with the outside world?

Is it because I have so many appointments to be at during the week that if I have time at home just doing absolutely nothing I'll take it?

Is it because I just really love being with my family that much that I'm not interested in anything that doesn't include them?

I'll go with d) a little bit of all of the above.

What is the deal? I fear I might loose the outside world but I really don't care. I don't feel guilty for not doing things away from my children, I feel guilty for not caring that I feel this way.

I just want to hug and kiss Lola and watch to see if she just might take the plunge and crawl for the first time. Ya know, she's been on all fours, she's rocked back and forth, but she always flattens like a pancake at the last second.

I want to hold Christian or feed him something new, maybe stretch him out a little, put him on the yoga ball, sing songs to him, play rough with him.

I want to go to Dairy Queen with Gabe and get Blizzards because it's just too hot not to have one.

I want to watch TV with Manny and Gabe and laugh at stupid shows like Wipe Out.

I don't have any desire to do anything else right now and at this time in my life, at this very point, that's just how it is.

For the first time in my life, I am 100% a stay at home mom, and while I've understood at times why stay at home moms become alcoholics, I absolutely LOVE it!

But don't tell anyone. For some reason I feel like I'm supposed to be going out of my mind and chomping at the bit to get the hell out of this house. And I'm not going to lie, some days I am that person. I perform my obligatory complaining to Manny about how hard it was all day but the truth is I really love doing the Mommy/Wife thing.