The Mommy Thing

I've come to realize that I'm really not interested in leaving my kids...at all...not even for an hour.

I mean I do. I'm going to the gym now, three times a week, for an hour each time. And I have to leave Lola for about an hour and a half when I take Christian to HBOT. But then I don't like leaving again. Oh yeah, and I go grocery shopping alone, but rarely. Everyone knows it's just easier to go alone anyway.

I'm quite content with hanging around the house with my kids and baking stuff or folding stuff or playing with the kids on the floor...and stuff.

What has become of me?

I hear things about "Lady's Night Out." I've heard of "Time Away From The Kids." In theory, it sounds great. But in reality I'm just not interested. Or I think I'm interested and then when it comes time to show my cards, I almost always fold.

Is it because the prospect of finding a babysitter, getting kids ready, meds lined up and dispersed, and bedtimes in order seems too daunting a task that the end result of getting some time away from the kids is just not worth it?

Is it because I've turned into a recluse, a hermit crab of sorts who wants nothing to do with the outside world?

Is it because I have so many appointments to be at during the week that if I have time at home just doing absolutely nothing I'll take it?

Is it because I just really love being with my family that much that I'm not interested in anything that doesn't include them?

I'll go with d) a little bit of all of the above.

What is the deal? I fear I might loose the outside world but I really don't care. I don't feel guilty for not doing things away from my children, I feel guilty for not caring that I feel this way.

I just want to hug and kiss Lola and watch to see if she just might take the plunge and crawl for the first time. Ya know, she's been on all fours, she's rocked back and forth, but she always flattens like a pancake at the last second.

I want to hold Christian or feed him something new, maybe stretch him out a little, put him on the yoga ball, sing songs to him, play rough with him.

I want to go to Dairy Queen with Gabe and get Blizzards because it's just too hot not to have one.

I want to watch TV with Manny and Gabe and laugh at stupid shows like Wipe Out.

I don't have any desire to do anything else right now and at this time in my life, at this very point, that's just how it is.

For the first time in my life, I am 100% a stay at home mom, and while I've understood at times why stay at home moms become alcoholics, I absolutely LOVE it!

But don't tell anyone. For some reason I feel like I'm supposed to be going out of my mind and chomping at the bit to get the hell out of this house. And I'm not going to lie, some days I am that person. I perform my obligatory complaining to Manny about how hard it was all day but the truth is I really love doing the Mommy/Wife thing.

Monsoon

It's getting monsoonal up in here.

The monsoons bring rain to Tucson every year.

Every summer it gets so hot. Hotter and hotter until you just can't stand it anymore. Tucsonans can handle it. We're part sun. But May bring the first bouts of high temperatures. Then June comes and puts us over 100.

Then July...oh, July. That's what finally breaks us. It's too hot to leave the house. It's too hot to swim! It's lazy hot. It's the hot that makes you want to take three naps during the day and go to bed early. It's the kind of hot that preheats water coming out of the faucet.

And just when you think it can't get any hotter. Just when you are seriously considering becoming a citizen of Alaska. Just when you've suffered your last day of stifling, egg fryin' on a sidewalk temperatures.

It rains.

First it threatens for a few weeks. We see dark and ominous clouds promising showers. They hover, but never really produce. They whine, but never really cry. But they're there. Those clouds remind us that something is coming to wash away the heat. You can always trust those clouds and that they will release one day.

And then it happens. The sky turns black and a monsoonal, hurricane, flood emerges from the sky. It's really quite a show. We watch the streets from our windows and observe rain falling horizontally and large trees falling over as if they never had roots and rivers forming in the streets.

This rain that everyone waits for comes and riles everyone up. It washes away the heat and steam and sometimes leaves a little chaos behind. But it always leaves a sort of peace that we can trust that there will be rain, there will be chaos, and sometimes downright destruction. With that comes peace and a cleansing of sorts. New life pops up and people excitedly come out of hiding to enjoy the rainy smells and the cooler temperatures the rain brings.

The clouds are ominous, they're foreboding, and it's almost time. The rains will come soon. Can't wait.